Journey Thru Grief
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Returning to Life


I returned to work a month after my husband's death. I really felt I was ready. I needed to be around my co-workers, some of my biggest supporters. Since I already had vacation time scheduled over the following few weeks, I ease myself back into the flow of my life. I worked 4 days the first week and 3days the second. I didn't realize how tired I was at the end of the day. My energy was endless.

Once, I began working fulltime, I started feeling exhausted all the time. Emotions started surfacing that I didn't know what to do with. I started crying for no logical reasons, both at home and at work. What I had to learn was it was alright to be kind and gentle to myself. In the beginning, I actually had days that I just couldn't work. I had to come back home. What I call the "Grief Monster" was hitting me frequently.

Over time, my concentration levels actually began to improve. Best of all, the "Grief Monster" started to hit me less frequently. I still have an occaisional day that I need to be kind to myself but I am finding that I can now, 11 months later, work thru them. I am becoming a more productive person, even if I am still exhausted when I get home.

When Everything Goes Wrong at Home

I also found as I returned to my own life, that everything goes wrong. Some of the things that have happened to me include flooded spetic system, chimney fire, roof needing replacement, weather turning cold and furnace won't work, flooded basement, vehicle repairs, dead batteries in vehicles, etc. It seemed that Murphy's Law was very much affecting my life. I felt as if I was in a hole, a very dark hole and every time I tried to climb up out of the hole, something else would go wrong and knock me back down.

It took much coaching from my co-workers but I finally began to understand what was really happening to me. I was having every day, normal problems. What was different for me was, I was now dealing with them alone. I needed to find a balance between work and my personal life, something I still haven't mastered.

Calling for Repair Work

One of the hardest things for me to learn how to do was to pick up the phone and call a repair shop. My problem wasn't knowing how to do this but finding the time. I am still learning to make those follow-up phone calls. I usually got recommendations from my friends as to who to call for different repairs. However, I have learned that I have to be persistent and follow-up to make sure they take me serious. Usually, I know what the problem is and what needs to be done. However, alot of businesses are alittle slower in scheduling repair work. Be reasonable but also, don't let them put you off.

I have learned alot about myself during these home problems. I have found that I have to be reasonable with others but if they don't seem to be interested in my business, I can always call another. Sooner or later, I will find the people who really do want the job. For some of my home problems, I have learned to resolve them myself. I have learned to ask lots of questions at the local hardware and/or lumber yard. There are people there willing to teach you what you need to do. Also, I invested in a home repair book that is easy to read and understand.